Doubt & Fear

Today is week 2 of the new schedule. Last week seemed like a whirlwind of “new”. New meditation class, new dance teaching classes, new dance cardio class, and new home.

Whenever there is a lot of new we all get nervous and feel exhausted. Your nerves get to you, you analyze the days or the classes, you want everything to go right. You want people to enjoy themselves. Most of all you people to like you.

I was feeling pretty good towards the end of last week. Exhausted but good. Then it happened. I got a call. “How were classes on X day?”….”Fine…I thought.” “Well, I’ve got someone who says they felt uncomfortable in your class and that you were intense.” A trigger gets switched and I think to myself, that’s it I’m not teaching. I tell myself the Universe is trying to teach me something.

I spend the weekend pondering on it. I think about what exactly is bothering me. It’s fear. Fear that I am going to be judged harshly and fear that the community will get an unrealistic impression of me. The biggest fear is that they won’t even give me a chance. So. I decide to address it in the next class by apologizing for how it made them feel. The intention is not to make them feel uncomfortable but to challenge them. Especially since it’s an advance level class.

I come to terms with my feelings and looking forward to the week. I get another message, “So and so are willing to come back to class if you apologize to the class which I agree with them on this”……Doubt creeps in as now I am starting to feel uncomfortable and slightly that my class will be under extreme scrutiny from this point forward….having been judged on the 1st day.

I go on to teach my meditation class and no one comes. I pull my The Universe Has Your Back cards and ask myself these 3 questions:

1. Am I on the right path?

2. Should I keep going?

3. Is there a future in what I am doing?

These 3 cards are pulled from the deck

1. When I lean on the faith of the Universe, PEACE becomes REAL.

2. ENERGY FLOWS where my INTENTION goes.

3. I recognize that I have chosen fear, and I choose again. I choose LOVE.

It takes a minute for things to settle in my brain. As I sat and thought the calmer I became. The more I will continue to let these messages sink in.

But there was this little subconscious voice going “I need a clearer sign for my first question”. A spider was crawling towards me and I picked up the top card on the deck to move him along. I flipped over the card to:

While I am sitting in my empty meditation class. Thank you. I will keep going, choosing love instead of fear, and leaning on my faith of the Universe to keep my energy flowing where my true intentions lay.

We can’t control how others respond to us and we cannot change who we are to make others feel better. We are all responsible for ourselves and our own feelings. All we can do is respect each others feelings and apologize for how we may have come across to others. I strongly believe you should never apologize for who you are. Everyone brings something to the table.

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